i don't understand why that fucker was so eloquent until his closing. i could have written a better one. and fuck psych majors, man up and take a real science (aka biology).
There is one way and only one way to guarantee victory in all trials. You must use the fucking Chewbacca defense
"Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."
I didn't make the survey. It for a co-workers dissertation and I was told I can't take it since I took the first draft and would skew result if I took it.
There is only one eye witness, who could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant was the one of the attackers. Doubt in this instance comes from his prior alcohol use. At 4 or 5 beers several hours ago, I would have said non-issue ... but then to add 4-5 glasses of wine? That would be enough to tank anyone into oblivion for the night. The DWI had no relevance other than to draw scorn against him.
Why didn't the prosecution take DNA evidence from the blood on the attacker? This would have added an additional approach to remove any doubt jurors might have against the attacker, and would have negated the need for a reliable eyewitness. Sloppy prosecution from a failed attorney who graduated from a scrub law school, probably early-middle-aged (30-38).
Comments
i don't understand why that
i don't understand why that fucker was so eloquent until his closing. i could have written a better one. and fuck psych majors, man up and take a real science (aka biology).
What was the defense attorney thinking
There is one way and only one way to guarantee victory in all trials. You must use the fucking Chewbacca defense
"Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote "Stinky Britches" ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."
I didn't make the survey. It
I didn't make the survey. It for a co-workers dissertation and I was told I can't take it since I took the first draft and would skew result if I took it.
Lactose,
Stay Gay.
-Doc
Spoiler: Highlight to
[spoiler]Not guilty.[/spoiler]
There is only one eye witness, who could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant was the one of the attackers. Doubt in this instance comes from his prior alcohol use. At 4 or 5 beers several hours ago, I would have said non-issue ... but then to add 4-5 glasses of wine? That would be enough to tank anyone into oblivion for the night. The DWI had no relevance other than to draw scorn against him.
Why didn't the prosecution take DNA evidence from the blood on the attacker? This would have added an additional approach to remove any doubt jurors might have against the attacker, and would have negated the need for a reliable eyewitness. Sloppy prosecution from a failed attorney who graduated from a scrub law school, probably early-middle-aged (30-38).